RESTORE MY LOVE
A New Year's Eve Short Story
She sat in the corner of her room, knees to her chest with her arms wrapped around her shin, her head tilted backwards on the wall, tears streaming down her face.
“Holy Spirit,” she whispered, “Restore my love for you. Lord, bring me back to you.”
Mandy did not know how long she had been in that position, but this is the place she wanted - and needed - to be right now.
This year has been hard. It had started so well with her graduation early in the year. Life had been good and hopeful. The future, bright with opportunities. Then her mom, her sweet mom, had suddenly died with what they said was a stroke.
“Mommy,” she wept, “Moommmyyyy. I miss you so much. All this would not have happened if you were here.”
Her Dad, heartbroken over his wife’s death, had wrapped himself in his company, leaving her alone to deal with her grief and her younger brother’s. Thank God Frank, her brother, had been in the boarding school for the most part of the year.
She was mad at the Lord for taking her mother away. So swiftly, without warning, in such a heartbreaking way. She could not understand how God, her lover, her father, her friend, would allow that. She couldn’t pray, she couldn’t attend church. She avoided her church friends. She did not deal with her grief and was vulnerable to the affection of others.
One of her mom’s friends had gotten her an offer to be a teaching assistant with her favourite professor. She had loved the position. She got to work with a man she had so admired in school. The man, whom she had tried to please since she first met.
They had shared close quarters together, brainstormed on research areas and discussed their students together. Though there had been other people in the team, theirs had been a special bond and they spent longer periods of time together.
Then came the day when he started to touch her inappropriately. She had known it was wrong but Mandy had liked it. She had liked the attention and the love. With him, she felt seen. She felt heard. She felt desirable. She began to ache for his touch. She was flattered by his attention. She flirted and actively encouraged the affair. She knew it was wrong, but Mommy’s good girl was gone because Mommy was gone.
She had strayed far. Oh God, she had strayed so far away from her God, from herself. She had struggled with herself and her desire and ultimately, chosen her desire. Her only saviour had been her friend, Adeleke, who had prayed for her and over her. Ade had, just last week, intercepted her rendezvous with her professor at a hotel and dragged her home. She had been livid but Ade had refused to budge.
Earlier this week, splashed all over campus news, were rumours of her professor’s numerous affairs and HIV positive status. Bewildered and shocked, she had confronted him and he had shamefully admitted it. Mandy had no idea how Ade had known about their confrontation but he had been waiting for her. He guided her home and prayed over her. He left her with these words: “Mandy, the Lord misses you. Go find your love.”
So, she had come back to Him. This New Year’s Eve, she had come back to her place of refuge, her place of comfort and love, and of peace. She came back to her Lover and apologized for substituting Him for a prostitute in a suit. She apologized for finding solace in another man when He was her comfort. She laid her grief and anguish before Him because it hurt so bad. She could no longer carry the weight of it anymore. She felt the guilt of a wasted year; squandered time she could never replace.
“My Love. I have come. Woo me back to you. Restore my love, Lord. Restore me. Banish any thought or idol that competes for my love for you. You are a jealous God. Fight jealously for my affections, I want to be yours and yours alone.”
As she called upon the Lord, she felt a warm presence over her. A scripture she had read some time ago came to her;
Isa 40:11 KJV
He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.
Yes, that’s what it felt like. The Lord had wrapped His arms around her and carried her to His bosom. The Lord Jesus was hugging her!
This realization brought her to her face before the Lord. She felt the painful grief of her mother’s death, the anxiety over her father’s wellbeing, the burden of being mother to Frank, her lustful desire for affection and the guilt of a wasted year all lift with that encounter. It was as though there was an exchange; her weaknesses for His strength. She felt His power so strong upon her.
He whispered to her:
I will give you double for all your trouble.
Reminding her of the word He had spoken to her when her mother had died.
Isa 61:7 ESV
Instead of your shame there shall be a double portion; instead of dishonor they shall rejoice in their lot; therefore in their land they shall possess a double portion; they shall have everlasting joy.
“Thank you, Jesus,” she whispered, “Thank you, my Love.”
In a moment, she felt overwhelming love sweep through her, reminding her of the moments of sweet devotion she had shared with the Lord. This is it. The place she was made for, the presence of her Lord and King.
The relief of leaving 2024 behind swept over her. It was one heck of a year. But the Lord, in His mercy, had swept it into the past, covering it with His blood and given her a new year to start over.
Indeed, His mercies are new every day. Great is His faithfulness.
Happy New Year Everyone!
May 2025 be a Year of Restoration, of Love and of Intimacy with the Lord.
2024 has fallen into our past and covered by the blood of the lamb. We are free to live 2025 in His love in spite of our mistakes.
Embrace it fully.
My heart🥹. This is such a profound story! Thank you for sharing.
This is the year of peace, unity and love indeed. I resonated with your story so much!! Thank you for sharing.